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<title>What Should I Say? by SoruyaWrites</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089749">What Should I Say?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoruyaWrites/pseuds/SoruyaWrites'>SoruyaWrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Given (Anime), Given (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Grief, M/M, Mafuyu 1st person POV, Mafuyu struggling with lyrics for the first live, Mafuyu's inner thoughts, Takes place around chapter 6/episode 6 and 7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 03:01:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089749</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoruyaWrites/pseuds/SoruyaWrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Short fic on Mafuyu's thoughts regarding his past and his present after he's tasked with writing lyrics for the band.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Satou Mafuyu &amp; Uenoyama Ritsuka, Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Should I Say?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Would you die for me then?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Where do I even start with writing lyrics? There’s so much I want to say, but... I don’t know how. I’m scared of choosing the wrong words again. I haven’t even told anyone about everything that happened between us. I wonder if you could ever forgive me or if I could ever forgive myself.</p><p> </p><p>I’m learning music is a wondrous thing, but it also feels dangerous and frightening. It’s like I’m standing on the edge of the precipice or struggling to keep a rushing current in check. I want to convey my emotions about you that I’ve locked away, but I’m not sure I understand exactly what they are myself. Grief, anger, love, regret, guilt... this ugly mix is too much to sift through.</p><p> </p><p>There’s someone new I’ve met recently. Someone who taught me how to play the guitar you left behind. Someone who believes in me and drives me to keep improving myself as I dive deeper into music. I think I may like him in the same way I liked you. However, I feel myself tear apart inside when I think about him too much, and it leads me to think about how I lost you.</p><p> </p><p>I’m afraid of getting too close to him. If we fight, I’m scared I may say something I’ll regret and I’ll lose him.</p><p> </p><p>I want to forgive you and forgive myself for the past. I want to love freely, but... I don’t want to hurt someone I love and lose him ever again.</p><p> </p><p>I only hope that I can honor your memory and our relationship by playing the guitar and singing, being part of the music you loved so much. I miss you a lot. Maybe though, if you would allow me and I allowed myself, I can move forward in my life, even if you’re not here anymore.</p>
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